July 10, 2012
Sometimes I just want to get it over with and be done for the day. I want to have quiet time alone to read, drink a glass of wine, eat slowly or time with Steven to talk and relax. There are days when the bedtime routine seems like a final, very tall, mountain to climb.
I read a great article recently talking about the idea of carpe diem and being in the moment while raising your kids. She talks about Kairos time, the magical moments that stop you in your tracks. These moments are the fuel that keep you going when the day is tough. I savor these moments. I photograph them, I do my best to breathe them in, see them clearly and etch them into my memory. Sometimes, being present is tremendously difficult. For me, it's up and down a million times in a single day. It goes from amazing to frustrating to sweet to tiring to magical, all in the blink of an eye.
The other day, while bathing Einin, I was not 100% there. I was happily daydreaming about something and going through the motions of her bath time. I had her hands in mine and she let go, reaching up towards the water that was streaming down. Her tiny little hands, fat at the palms with only dots for knuckles, were delicately held up to feel the water. Her fingers, wide at their base and gracefully tapering down to tiny little fingernails, aimed up to catch the water. It was as if she was seeing the water for the very first time. I was awestruck, frozen...it was one of the most beautiful things I think I have ever seen. It was so simple and so everyday but those little hands were so innocent and so sweet that it just blew me away. It was an un-photographable moment (one of the many) but it is burned into my memory in such sharp detail and I hope I never forget it.
After bath time, the Farrah Braniff variety show begins as I do my best to entertain her while getting her diapered and dressed. Her newfound mobility practically requires a vaudeville show to get through. I have to make sounds, give her things to hold, blow raspberries, sing, make faces and so on. I have to keep the act fresh, because the same old routine won't work night after night. I keep telling her that if she would just lay still for 3 minutes it would be so much easier. However, 15 minutes later, she's still wiggling and I only have the diaper on and it's crooked. The evening just went from magical to frustrating. I sigh and stop. Then I look down at her and see this...
Kairos time...and just like that, it becomes funny and sweet all over again.