I'm really loving the word "expecting" right about now but it's not quite right. The sun beginning to peek out of the tree shows the feeling but I'm at a loss for the right word. I need one that brings together hopeful, tender, fearful, awkward, clumsy, nervous, happy, impatient, insecure, tired, occasionally bloated, aware and introspective all into one perfect word. Is there one?

In one moment I feel healthy, vibrant and tuned in and an hour later I feel bloated, tired and insecure. I wish I could pinpoint something in particular happening to change the mood but, usually, it seems to happen without cause. I find myself feeling tightly wound and nervous. I'll be full of fear and anxiety and then, just a short while later, I'll feel excited and hopeful. I know what you're thinking, poor Steven. No, don't fret about him. In my typical fashion, I keep a lot of this to myself day to day, which may not be a good thing either but it's me and it's the way I am processing it. I know the sometime craziness of it all is okay too (well, most of the time I know that). I get that I have hormonal stuff happening and that having a baby is always a big deal, even if it's #3.

It's not just me. We're all sort of coming to terms with it. The boys are making their way through it too, asking questions and adjusting to it. They are each doing it in their own way too. Sayer is more fearful and concerned but he's coming around. Most days I am thankful that the whole process takes 9 months. It gives everyone a chance to adjust to the idea, including me.