Every year I struggle with the holidays. It's a stressful time for me and I wish it didn't have to be. For many portrait photographers the holiday season is a very busy time. For me it means a lot of sessions, a flurry of holiday cards, late nights at the computer, busy Saturdays, lots of juggling and tight deadlines. As much as the workload can easily overwhelm me and it does, I feel extremely grateful that people choose me for such important work.

As I get older too, it seems like the "holiday magic" is more elusive. It feels so commercial (so many ads, a sale here and 50% off there). My family makes gift lists and we all exchange lists. It makes sense on one hand (you want to get something that people actually want) but it does take something away from my gift giving process. I don't know when the shine wore off of the lists but, for me, it definitely has. I used to love them when I was younger and it was all about getting tons of stuff and by making lists I got exactly what I wanted. Now that I'm older my "list" issue has more to do with my giving of gifts to others. The gift buying that requires me to really think about someone is the warm fuzzy part for me. I am thinking of the ones I love, why I love them and what they love. I'm not a religious person so, for me, the thinking about my family part is a huge part of the holiday magic and the list just sucks the joy right out the process.

So to combat my holiday stress and fatigue this year, I decided that I needed to find my holiday spirit in my own new way. Whenever I am feeling stressed out or down, the best redirection is gratitude. With this in mind, I turned my attention to ways that I could truly express gratitude. I am most grateful for two things in my life - my family and my talent. I don't know where or who I would be without my tribe and my camera.

I had been inspired a few months prior by another photographer named Tim Walden. We talked about a charitable project that he does where he gives a family one of his amazing relationship portraits. I knew that I wanted to do something similar but I just couldn't figure out who, how or when. Then I heard about a project / movement called Help Portrait, which was started by a photographer named Jeremy Cowart. It was perfect timing. I now knew exactly what I was going to do.

I have done volunteer work for the Houston Area Women's Center before and feel so strongly about the work that they are doing with families, women and children. HAWC helps women who have been victims of domestic abuse or sexual assault. They shelter women and their children when they flee abusive homes, they counsel rape survivors, they offer legal help, have weekly counseling groups, a food pantry and so much more. They give families a second chance at finding peace, hope and joy.

So, on December 12, 2009 I opened my studio to a small group of HAWC families and took portraits of them completely free of charge. It was amazing. Many of these families have been working with HAWC for a while now. They all had to start fresh with a new vision of what their family was going to look like. Many had to leave everything and start from scratch. I see the power of portraits every day and I knew that it would be the best gift that I could give.

Today we got them all ready and tomorrow we'll be delivering them to HAWC so the families can pick them up. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they open up these bags. Just the thought of it makes me feel full inside. So, thank you to the families that came and let me take their portrait and thanks to HAWC. You helped me find the magic again.

Here is a little sampling of what I do. Seriously, I think I have one of the world's best jobs. Generally speaking, it's like a love explosion here on most days. Yes, we have grunt work and we get stressed out and it can be hard. If I put that stuff aside though and focus on the end product and the reasons why I do what I do, it's just all amazing, mushy, love-filled awesomeness. For me there is nothing more incredible than the genuine sparkle and spirit of children and families. I hope you see a little bit of that in this video, enjoy! (you may need to give the video a few minutes to load up all the way)

When you are pregnant, people tell you how your life will change when your baby arrives. They tell you about sleepless nights, the blow-your-mind-love that you will feel and how you may never go to the movies again. No one ever told me that I would never again sleep like I did before I had children. Wait, if you are pregnant now, you may just want to stop reading, back away and skip this entry...it may be more than you are wanting to know.

The first sleep changes are obvious. You can't sleep as late or your baby wakes you up every couple of hours for a while. The other changes are more subtle. It's the little voice in your sleeping head that seems to be on alert. It sounds something like this: "any minute now, someone is going to wake up with a fever" (or a nightmare, or a stomach bug, or because of the lightning, or because they peed in the bed, and so on). So when you hear noises in the house you immediately perk up. Then there's the crazy Mommy brain stuff, which sounds more like this: "In the event of a fire, which 2nd story (painted shut) window will I have to break and crawl out of while holding 2 hysterical children and the 2 dogs?" or "what if something terrible happens and I sleep right through it?". Does it matter to my sleeping self that this mode of thinking is a little crazy? No, just like it didn't matter to my half sleeping self that my husband is asleep beside me and could (at the very least) carry a dog and a child in the first crazy fire scenario. I have a feeling that I am not alone in this though, am I right so far?

Even more subtle still is the part of parenthood that goes so deep that it isn't as obvious. For me personally it is a sense of responsibility that I never had before. My days are rarely empty and there is almost always something to do and someone to take care of. This has forever changed everything about the way my life is lived, sleep included. While I would love to nap more and sleep deeper, I wouldn't trade any of it.

So, Mommies, if you are up late reading this...go to bed. It's late and you will likely be woken up in an hour anyway. Go to bed knowing that you are not alone, we're all in this sleep LESS and love FULL state together.

How did it happen? How did 4 years fly by so fast? It happens to all parents and I hear it all the time. Children just grow up so quickly. I saw a great advertisement the other day and it had this quote on it, "You never really have kids. You only borrow them for a few years." It's so true and I am feeling it today. I am keenly aware of how he's gotten taller and how his words are sounding different. Part of me is watching the change with proud eyes- excited to see where he goes next. The other part of me is teary-eyed watching "my baby" become so much less of a baby. I know you're saying that he's 4 and hasn't been a baby in years but he is to me. He (and his brother) will always be my babies. I look into their faces and I can see the face that I saw on the day that they were born.