Every year I go all out for my holiday card. It's my business after all and so I always try and do something special. Normally it's a lot of fun coming up with my design and concept (planning my attack so to speak) and then the time comes to actually take the pictures...fun stops and frustration begins. Does it surprise you that I say that? I know you probably imagine that (of all children) my kids know how to have their picture taken right? They sit still and behave and I just snap away! It's a really nice fantasy and I like it too but that is not actually how it goes down.

Most kids (mine included) have a mind of their own when it comes to pictures. The best sessions happen when kids are happy, playing, wearing comfy clothes, are rested, not hungry and not aware that they are there for the sole purpose of being photographed. When I work in my studio or on location, there is a lot of play involved. I chase them around, make funny noises and ask off the wall questions to get them to laugh, etc. That is what makes it work- they don't really know that my main goal is their picture.

My kids are a bit immune to my charms. They know about the candy jar, they've seen my puppets and they know absolutely what we're doing at the studio. For us, I know how it has to be. It has to just flow. My kids are at their best when they are just being and I try and capture it. The problem is, sometimes I need them to do what I need them do when I need them do it, right?

I hesitate to even tell this story because I know that some of you got my card and thought how cute it was and how perfect and now here I am about to blow the "mystique" with the reality...Here goes, last year sometime in November, I take them up to the studio on a Sunday. I tell them what we're doing, the outfits were comfy, they were rested and fed and so on. Steven was with me to be my helper. They decided, for whatever reason, that they did NOT want to do what I wanted them to do when I wanted them to do it. I would tell them to sit together and one would stand up. I kept trying to get them to hug and they would wrestle. That was how it went. Steven finally stormed out of the room even saying something like "Damn it! It's not that hard!". Stellar parenting moment I know...I tried a save by saying, "Daddy, that's the naughty spot for you for saying a bad word!". Now when I think about it I just laugh to myself.

Finally I say, okay, let's make some silly faces. This always works for my guys. We ended on a fun note and called it a wrap but I was pissed. Here's the thing, I do this every day. I should have know that we had the shots without me being so uptight. If I had just relaxed and not had such specific expectations I would had so much more fun doing it. I know this so well but there I was trying to direct the action and getting all upset in the process.

Sayer knew I was a unhappy. Finn was oblivious- enjoying his "reward" candy ("only one piece and not two because you guys weren't super helpful!"). Sayer settles in on the floor beside my desk and starts drawing. I am downloading the cards and am pleasantly surprised that I did end up with some really fun shots. Again, not quite sure why I was so surprised. A moment later, Sayer comes up and puts this little drawing in front of me.

He says in a low, sad voice, "Mommy, I am really sorry. Here's a picture of me and Finn. I'm sorry Mommy that we weren't helpful". I froze, immediately feeling guilty. He says, "this is a picture of me and Finn doing the hugging thing you wanted us to do...sorry Mommy". My eyes pricked with tears and I felt terrible but at the same time I was just so proud and so touched that he had done this. Steven and I just looked at each other and we both hugged him. I had this empty silver frame sitting there and I put the drawing in it right away and put it on the window sill next to my desk. It's still there.

So, what's the lesson? Today it is not a technical one but something more important. My lesson was this, meet them where they are. It's just a photograph. Photographs are hugely important to me obviously but it's not the one image. It's all of them combined. It's the experience of taking them and the story that they tell as a whole. For me it reinforced that when I go in to a photo session with them and have specific ideas in mind for what I want to capture, I risk missing what they actually have to offer that day. That day it was this:

I had the shot that I wanted all along as well as a bunch of other ones but I wasn't really paying attention to what was there. I was too worried about what might not be there. Yes they were misbehaving and yes they were acting crazy but in the midst of it they were also being themselves.

I see it with my clients sometimes. If they come in with a set ideas of what they want they run the risk of being disappointed whereas if they come in with some general ideas, an outfit and a great attitude, they usually end up happier. A shy kid may not give me huge toothy grins when they first meet me and an active kid is not likely to sit still on command. We need to meet them where they are, especially if we want the photograph to be honest.

Happy Monday my friends!