There are no words, just the sound of my heart melting. Thank you universe.

"Wake Up! For today is your Day of all Days!" (Dr. Seuss)

It's been a while since I wrote something for Love Thursday but today is special. Today is Sayer's 9th birthday. How did 9 years go by so fast? How is my very first baby standing so tall and grown up? When our baby, Einin, was just a newborn someone said to me, "the days and nights are eternal but the months will fly by". It's so heartbreakingly true. Don't get me wrong, I want them to grow and change and do all of the things that they are meant to do but, every so often, it just feels too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could yell out "FREEZE!" and just take a breath, get my bearings and maybe even clean up the living room while I'm at it.

This day is special for Sayer, of course. He's nine for crying out loud...I mean, that's almost TEN! I remember when I was younger and how desperately I wanted to be older and how the years seem to eek by so slowly. When they were smaller, I would always ask them questions on the morning of their birthday, "Are you taller today?", "Can you run even faster now?" and so on. They would beam and say yes to them all. Overnight they always became faster, taller, wiser...

Lastnight, cuddled in bed with Sayer, I read him Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. It was magical. You could tell that he was excited and proud about getting older. The story is perfect. It's sweet and full of joy, imagination and optimism. It echoed so much of what I was feeling for Sayer as I read.

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you...you are YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

So we'll go to the top of the toppest blue space,
The Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!
Come on! Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!
Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I!
ME!
I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.
Three cheers! I AM I!"

He is he, that is for sure, and he is wonderful. He is deep, soulful, smart and sensitive. He sees things. He asks hard questions and comes up with really insightful theories. I'm so grateful for him. He is my first and he is the one who first changed me into a MOM. He is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.

Today you are you! That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a great thing to be!
If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"

Happy birthday to you, my sweet Sayer. I am so very glad that you are YOU and that you are HERE.

At the beginning of this year, I made myself a promise. It was time to stop compartmentalizing all of the various pieces of me and my work and to try and bring in all together into one integrated self. It was also time to put my personal artwork out into the world and not just keep it for myself.

This has been hard to do and there are still a few pieces I can't seem to jigsaw together (yet). It's coming though and I'm hopeful, inspired and excited. I did submit work to galleries and faced rejection. It hurt and I'm guessing rejection always will to some degree. I've made some big moves too. I relocated my studio and joined forces with an artist friend of mine in another studio venture. Change and integration are coming, slowly but surely.

This new collage that I have made is a HUGE step toward my integrated self and I am so proud of it that I can hardly stand it! It all started here, with this image. That image became this collage, which inspired this one of my sweetie pea, Einin. The first image is of me when I was pregant with her and this is her bright and shining face at 2 months old.

When the framer came by to drop it off today, I was giddy. This is absolutely the beginning of something new- a new direction for my work and I'm ecstatic about it.

"I love you to the moon -and back again"

I put all of my love for Einin into this collage and I can feel it vibrating back at me when I look at this.

The birds are significant. Her name means little bird in Gaelic.

so true, so very true!

I can't wait to start on the next one! Thanks for following along with me on this journey. Your comments and feedback are so inspiring.

It's becoming clearer...it's as if, with each little step, one more tiny cloud dissipates and my work becomes more ME.

I have been chasing this idea of integration for a year or more now. I wanted to stop compartmentalizing all of the different things that I do and try to blend them together into one. While everything may not truly become one thing, I do want the various parts to inspire each other and make what I do more cohesive and unique.

This piece was step one. I promised that when I had it completed, I would come back and show it off. Thanks for reading and following along with me. Your comments always make me so happy and inspire me to keep up with my chase.

the top left:

The top right:

I also made a companion piece to this one. It's a portrait of Einin done in the same style. I'll post that here as soon as I get it back from the framer. I'm not usually one to pat myself on the back but, I have to say, I love this piece and am so excited to share it with you.

What's next? I want to bring this work into my studio and offer to my clients. What do you think?

I have been having so much fun at my studio these past few weeks. Photography is just plain cool. I mean, I'm sure there are other amazing jobs out there but I really do think photography might be the best one. Now, take something as amazing as babies and mix it with photography, well that just makes it more awesome.

I've been playing with new props, testing out some new lights and doing some no charge model shoots. I rearranged my studio, updated my website with new images and started a new blog for my cell phone pictures. It's all food for the artist's soul.

The universe is paying me back for it too. I had a prospective client call today and ask me "what is your shooting philosophy?" (which, by the way, is much better than "how much is your CD?"). I loved it and I happily answered. Last week, a client came to look at their images and picked all of my favorites.

I watched two amazing documentaries a few months back and have been so inspired by them (both are available on Netflix instant, by the way) that tomorrow I am taking the day off to start a new garden. Last night, I finished painting my new beehive and I'm taking my beginning beekeeping class later this month.

It's very easy to starve as an artist. All you have to do is make art that you think everyone else will love, allow everyone else to price and value it as they please and then compare what you're doing to everyone else.

I keep thinking about people like the owner at Poverty Lane Orchards and how he talks about his love and obsession with apple trees. I'm in awe of the people in this documentary who are all absolutely, 100% in love with what they do. I'm inspired by my friend, Brene, and what she just did. I am focusing on this and doing my very best not to starve.

So, if you are an artist, I hope you are feeding yourself. Do you know and love an artist? Work with artists? I hope you are feeding them too.

Slowly, but surely, I am getting back to work after having Einin. It's also been a while since I blogged a session. There's nothing like a little time away to get you fired up creatively. I have really been enjoying being back in the studio, even if I have to tear myself away from my own little babe to get it done.

This is baby Vivienne. She was so patient with me as I played with all sorts of little flowers, a crown and a handful of different backdrops.

Don't you just love those squinchy little lips? Squinchy is a word, right?

Truly, a little princess.

It's been so long since I posted for favorite shot friday! Maybe it's a sign that things are getting back to normal or new normal or whatever it is now at almost 4 months old. Basically, every day is a juggling act. I am trying to balance what I have to do with what I feel like I need to do with what I want to do with what others want me me to do. It's a worthwhile juggle, though, and one that is rich with rewards...rewards like this sweet smile from Einin. I wouldn't trade the daily dance for anything in the world.

What about you? Do you have any favorite shots this Friday? Leave links to your images, blogs, Flickr, etc. here or add them to my favorite shot friday Flickr pool!

Happy weekend my friends, enjoy the balancing act!

What Einin might be thinking...

Really, this demeans us both. Actually, no, it demeans you more. After all, I'm a baby and can't stop you.

Hilarious Mommy and Daddy, why don't you go get ANOTHER glass of wine.

Play now while you can because, once I can use these arms and hands, this whole house is toast.


What I was thinking...

Thank you Einin for making me laugh. I had a really, really hard day. I needed a good laugh tonight and it's times like this that make all the hard stuff melt away. The simplest things like your brothers playing in the tub, talking and cleaning their plastic crabs with toothbrushes and shampoo and you with this hairdo make life so sweet.

Danny and I have a new pet project called The Bird's Nest. It's an art space that we are sharing over at Winter Street Studios. The new space is all about art for art's sake. It's not about clients, expectations or selling. No, it's a place where we can work on art, get messy and experiment with new projects. There's isn't an internet hook up or a phone. There is, however, an awesome record player and a burgeoning collection of rad vinyl.

I'll be working on my quilting and sewing projects, collage and my fine art photography. Danny will be screen printing, painting and working on fine art photography. Together, we'll be mixing it all together and coming up with cool ways to collaborate.

We want to share our new space with you too! Check your calendars and save the date because we'll be having an open house at the new space on Saturday, February 11th. Winter Street Studios and Spring Street (where my photo studio is) have open houses every second Saturday. On those Saturdays, the artists open up their doors, show and sell their art work. Walking from space to space is a fun way to spend a few hours and a great way to support local Houston artists. We're in space B-12 at Winter Street. Come visit us and check out what we're doing. Look for the cool sliding iron door and, of course, listen for the high fidelity sounds from our new record player.

See you there!

(picture is of me at about 4 years old, taken by my Dad)

About 2 weeks before Einin was born, I started having elevated blood pressure readings. This was a shock because I have always had great blood pressure.  I had been working-out throughout my pregnancy and hadn't gained too much weight. I didn't have high BP with my previous pregnancies either. The only criteria I met for pregnancy induced hypertension was that I was 40 years old. After a few days on bed rest, a reprieve from bed rest and a subsequent trip to the hospital, the doctor urged us to induce labor to be on the safe side. So, on October 25th, we checked into the hospital bright and early to have our baby girl.


(1 day old)

The labor was forced and painful.  Seeing as it was my last pregnancy, I had hoped for a slow, steady and natural birth. Instead, it was induced and intense but, in the end, she was there in my arms. She was healthy and my blood pressure was immediately back to normal.

Then came the blur of sleepless nights, constant nursing and life in pajamas. I don't think I have ever watched so much HGTV in my life. Little things like a long, hot shower became luxuries.

(3 days old)

(6 days old)

Then she smiled at me. After so many weeks of pouring all of my energy into her, some of it came back. It was a miracle moment.

(2 months old, not her first smile but one of my favorites)

Just before Christmas, around 9 pm on a Sunday night, she woke up with a fever. Thankful to call our pediatrician a friend as well, I texted him asking what we should do. After a little bit of back and forth and a few more temperature checks, she and I were sent to TX Children's Hospital's emergency room. They did a few preliminary tests and then came back for more testing. They did a spinal tap on her. They left us to wait for results dropping scary potential scenarios, like spinal meningitis. The image of her laying on the table after that procedure is one that will be burned into my brain forever. We waited for almost 2 hours for the test result. That was one of the longest nights of my life. I just sat there holding her thinking to myself that I could lose her. By the wee hours of the morning, we got the prognosis. She did not have meningitis (so grateful!) but did have a urinary tract infection and we were being admitted. They put an IV in her tiny little hand and sent us to the NICU. Thanks to the amazing doctors and nurses at TCH and to my amazing friends and family, we went home 4 days later with antibiotics.

A few days later our house was filled with family celebrating Christmas together. A week after that, it was Christmas day, our first Christmas with three kids.

And now, it's 2012 and Einin is a little over 2 months old. She is this amazing, snuggly, bright eyed little wonder. She is a gift and I am so incredibly grateful.

Today, while stopped at a red light, I looked in my rear view mirror at my car full of kids and just smiled. The boys were deep in discussion about how to get me or their Dad to touch the trick pen Sayer had that shocks you and Einin was crying (she hates her car seat). It was everything that the last few months have been, perfect chaos.

Thank you universe.

Joyful! I just love this little boy. I get to see him only for short periods of time but he is always happy! He laughs easily and takes joy in the simplest of things. We should all take a cue from him. The simplest little thing, like bubbles, made him so excited. His sweet little smiles were so infectious that I was all smiles myself.

What about you guys? Any shots that made you smile this week? I'd love to see them...post links to your images, blogs, Flickr, etc. in the comments section below or add them to my FSF Flickr pool.

Happy weekend everyone!

Sweet, sweet, brothers! I had so much fun photographing these little boys the other day. They are such charmers. This first shot is definitely my favorite but here are a few runner-ups too.


While these little guys were pretty darn close to perfect, I have to include this last one just so you know that it wasn't ALL hugs and cuddles. Sometimes big brothers cuddle a little too hard.

What about you guys? Any favorite shots this Friday? Leave links to your images, blogs, Flickrstreams, etc. in the comments section below or add them to my FSF Flickr pool.  Happy weekend my friends!

How Favorite Shot Friday works...you post your favorite pics on your blog (Flickr or wherever) and then comment here with a link. People who come here go and visit your blog. They then put pictures on their blog and link back here too. It creates a big, awesome circle of fun images. Don't be shy, join in!

Sometimes, the shot that I love the most is not the one that the client picks. Maybe it's because it's not a big smile, they're not looking right at the camera, they're off center or one of a myriad of other reasons. Sometimes that shot is my very favorite of the entire session and I, sadly, let them say no to it. In this case, both Mom and I agreed that this sweet little face was one of the very best of the session.

What about you, pros and regular folks alike, do you have any shots like this?  Those favorites that don't quite fit the mold but melt your heart anyway? I'd love to see them! Share your links in the comments section below.

Happy wednesday!

Last week Steven and I got to see our little girl in all of her 3 dimensional glory. It was amazing! I made the appt. on a whim not realizing just how incredible it would be to see her like that. She looked like she could be born that day. At first she was a little shy as you can see. She hid her face behind her arms and hands. All it took was a few sweet words from Steven and she opened up.

We were both blown away. There she was...even more real than she already was for us. It was magical to see her move and feel her move at the same time.

She looks so much like Finnian in this picture. We are both more anxious than ever to meet her and see this sweet face in person. Right now 7 weeks seems so far away but I'm sure it will fly by. For now, we'll just have to be patient and enjoy this sweet little smile.