This morning while I nursed you for the last time, I tried my best to memorize your face and the way your little hand felt rested against me. I leaned in, nuzzled your neck and breathed you in as many times as you would let me. The decision to wean you has been tough but I think I'm ready and I hope you are too.
I'm typing this while waiting on a (
three four times) delayed flight to Atlanta and I have to keep stopping so I don't cry too much in the airport. I'm hiding out in a corner by the only power outlet I could find dabbing tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. This is a testament to how tender I'm feeling because I rarely cry, and certainly not in the company of a bunch of strangers.
Thank you Einin, for being mine. Thank you, and your brothers, for opening my heart up so wide that, at times, I feel like I'll just burst from loving you. Thank you for showing me what it means to be truly vulnerable. Looking at myself through your eyes and hearts has made me love myself more.
In some ways it's sad to see my baby fade into a toddler. You are my very last baby, after all. While I am excited about all the things we're going to do as you grow up, I'm struggling letting your little nursling days go. The next time I hold a baby of my blood, it might belong to you, or your brothers, and that seems like a million years from now. Maybe, if I'm truly lucky, I'll get a chance to watch you nurse your own baby.
Change is good and so is growing up. This bittersweet moment is just one of many to come. Thank you for making things hard sometimes, the stretch, heartbreak and sacrifice of motherhood has shown me a side of myself that I never knew was there.
Forgive me my fragile heart today. It's probably good that I'll be away for a few days. I need some time to stretch and change, again, for what's next.
Yours completely, Mommy
She loves to play peek-a-boo...with pretty much anything.
Pretty much, anytime.
She loves to read books (well, have them read TO her). She likes to point out all the eyes and noses. Her favorite page in this particular book is the one with the birds. Birds is her second word and it sounds like, "buuuh". Say it like you are asking a question, pitching the last bit up and do it in a high girly tone and you've got it.
Why bird you ask? Well, that leads us to one of her very favorite things...our birds.
She puts her fingers in there and they nibble on her. The really interesting thing about her fixation on the birds is that her name means little bird in Gaelic. I guess she's one of them in a way and they know it.
She has also discovered the stairs. I tried to distract her by tickling her with my feet.
It didn't last long...
After going up and down the stairs about 15 times, we played with the doggie door. One of these days she's going to figure it out. I imagine the caption for the image on the right being, "I've seen them go in and out of here...if only I could figure out how it works. I could go outside and eat all the rocks and dirt I want!".
After that, we settled in for some more reading and pointing...
until, one of her very favorite things in the entire world happened...her brothers came home.
Pick up your cameras! THESE are the moments that matter, my friends. These tiny moments are the ones that you forget. It's simple, everyday images like these that I'll look back on when she's 16 and I'll remember this day like it just happened.
Sometimes she's a sugar bear and even a sugar koala. She's a sweetie petie and an angel. Her name means little bird in Gaelic so she's a baby bird, a birdie and even a Nini bird. Steven calls her, my girl.
Of course, sometimes she's simply, Einin.