There are no words, just the sound of my heart melting. Thank you universe.

"Wake Up! For today is your Day of all Days!" (Dr. Seuss)

It's been a while since I wrote something for Love Thursday but today is special. Today is Sayer's 9th birthday. How did 9 years go by so fast? How is my very first baby standing so tall and grown up? When our baby, Einin, was just a newborn someone said to me, "the days and nights are eternal but the months will fly by". It's so heartbreakingly true. Don't get me wrong, I want them to grow and change and do all of the things that they are meant to do but, every so often, it just feels too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could yell out "FREEZE!" and just take a breath, get my bearings and maybe even clean up the living room while I'm at it.

This day is special for Sayer, of course. He's nine for crying out loud...I mean, that's almost TEN! I remember when I was younger and how desperately I wanted to be older and how the years seem to eek by so slowly. When they were smaller, I would always ask them questions on the morning of their birthday, "Are you taller today?", "Can you run even faster now?" and so on. They would beam and say yes to them all. Overnight they always became faster, taller, wiser...

Lastnight, cuddled in bed with Sayer, I read him Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. It was magical. You could tell that he was excited and proud about getting older. The story is perfect. It's sweet and full of joy, imagination and optimism. It echoed so much of what I was feeling for Sayer as I read.

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you...you are YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

So we'll go to the top of the toppest blue space,
The Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!
Come on! Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!
Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I!
ME!
I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.
Three cheers! I AM I!"

He is he, that is for sure, and he is wonderful. He is deep, soulful, smart and sensitive. He sees things. He asks hard questions and comes up with really insightful theories. I'm so grateful for him. He is my first and he is the one who first changed me into a MOM. He is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.

Today you are you! That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a great thing to be!
If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"

Happy birthday to you, my sweet Sayer. I am so very glad that you are YOU and that you are HERE.

It's been so long since I posted for favorite shot friday! Maybe it's a sign that things are getting back to normal or new normal or whatever it is now at almost 4 months old. Basically, every day is a juggling act. I am trying to balance what I have to do with what I feel like I need to do with what I want to do with what others want me me to do. It's a worthwhile juggle, though, and one that is rich with rewards...rewards like this sweet smile from Einin. I wouldn't trade the daily dance for anything in the world.

What about you? Do you have any favorite shots this Friday? Leave links to your images, blogs, Flickr, etc. here or add them to my favorite shot friday Flickr pool!

Happy weekend my friends, enjoy the balancing act!

What Einin might be thinking...

Really, this demeans us both. Actually, no, it demeans you more. After all, I'm a baby and can't stop you.

Hilarious Mommy and Daddy, why don't you go get ANOTHER glass of wine.

Play now while you can because, once I can use these arms and hands, this whole house is toast.


What I was thinking...

Thank you Einin for making me laugh. I had a really, really hard day. I needed a good laugh tonight and it's times like this that make all the hard stuff melt away. The simplest things like your brothers playing in the tub, talking and cleaning their plastic crabs with toothbrushes and shampoo and you with this hairdo make life so sweet.

About 2 weeks before Einin was born, I started having elevated blood pressure readings. This was a shock because I have always had great blood pressure.  I had been working-out throughout my pregnancy and hadn't gained too much weight. I didn't have high BP with my previous pregnancies either. The only criteria I met for pregnancy induced hypertension was that I was 40 years old. After a few days on bed rest, a reprieve from bed rest and a subsequent trip to the hospital, the doctor urged us to induce labor to be on the safe side. So, on October 25th, we checked into the hospital bright and early to have our baby girl.


(1 day old)

The labor was forced and painful.  Seeing as it was my last pregnancy, I had hoped for a slow, steady and natural birth. Instead, it was induced and intense but, in the end, she was there in my arms. She was healthy and my blood pressure was immediately back to normal.

Then came the blur of sleepless nights, constant nursing and life in pajamas. I don't think I have ever watched so much HGTV in my life. Little things like a long, hot shower became luxuries.

(3 days old)

(6 days old)

Then she smiled at me. After so many weeks of pouring all of my energy into her, some of it came back. It was a miracle moment.

(2 months old, not her first smile but one of my favorites)

Just before Christmas, around 9 pm on a Sunday night, she woke up with a fever. Thankful to call our pediatrician a friend as well, I texted him asking what we should do. After a little bit of back and forth and a few more temperature checks, she and I were sent to TX Children's Hospital's emergency room. They did a few preliminary tests and then came back for more testing. They did a spinal tap on her. They left us to wait for results dropping scary potential scenarios, like spinal meningitis. The image of her laying on the table after that procedure is one that will be burned into my brain forever. We waited for almost 2 hours for the test result. That was one of the longest nights of my life. I just sat there holding her thinking to myself that I could lose her. By the wee hours of the morning, we got the prognosis. She did not have meningitis (so grateful!) but did have a urinary tract infection and we were being admitted. They put an IV in her tiny little hand and sent us to the NICU. Thanks to the amazing doctors and nurses at TCH and to my amazing friends and family, we went home 4 days later with antibiotics.

A few days later our house was filled with family celebrating Christmas together. A week after that, it was Christmas day, our first Christmas with three kids.

And now, it's 2012 and Einin is a little over 2 months old. She is this amazing, snuggly, bright eyed little wonder. She is a gift and I am so incredibly grateful.

Today, while stopped at a red light, I looked in my rear view mirror at my car full of kids and just smiled. The boys were deep in discussion about how to get me or their Dad to touch the trick pen Sayer had that shocks you and Einin was crying (she hates her car seat). It was everything that the last few months have been, perfect chaos.

Thank you universe.