I'm working very hard these days to keep my thoughts focused positively on what's right here in front of me while also looking ahead, dreaming and planning.  The key for me is trying to keep my thoughts balanced and clear of fear and doubt.  That critical voice in my head loves to rear its ugly head right when I'm faced with any sort of challenge.  Like anything, when we stand on the precipice of change, a new task or something challenging it's so easy for those negative voices to creep in.  The big thing though is most of the time we really don't know how it's all going to work out.  When we think of the future, we're sort of speculating.  So, why all the doubt and criticism?  We'll handle it and we'll probably do pretty well at it too.  At least, if we ease up and give ourselves a fair shot at it.

I remember when I was pregnant for the first time.  I voraciously read books on pregnancy, labor and delivery and parenting.  I had all my plans in place to labor gracefully and not freak out at some point in the hospital.  I would instill good sleep habits and even let my baby cry if I needed to.  He was not going to sleep in my bed either by the way.  Oh, and I was going to go right back to work teaching.

Fast forward 9 months...I did ok with the labor thing but on day two in the hospital Steven went out to The Right Start and bought a bassinet for our bedroom and Sayer was sleeping snuggled up next to me in my hospital bed.  I cried like a crazy lady when they brought him back in the room after his circumcision and he slept in the aforementioned bassinet until he was like 6 months old.  And no, I never went back to my teaching job.

All of the things I was so certain about fell into a million pieces when I actually saw Sayer for the first time.  How could I have known what I was going to do?

And now, 5 years later...He sleeps in his own bed (with occasional late night visits to ours) and he is an awesome snuggler.  I cried a little when he first went to kindergarten a few weeks ago and a few other times in between over these last 5 years. And because of the passion that he ignited in my heart 5 years ago, I have my own photography business.

You can't really know how it's all going to play out.  The best that you can do is believe in what you're doing and keep doing it.  There are beautiful things ahead for us all.