"Wake Up! For today is your Day of all Days!" (Dr. Seuss)
It's been a while since I wrote something for Love Thursday but today is special. Today is Sayer's 9th birthday. How did 9 years go by so fast? How is my very first baby standing so tall and grown up? When our baby, Einin, was just a newborn someone said to me, "the days and nights are eternal but the months will fly by". It's so heartbreakingly true. Don't get me wrong, I want them to grow and change and do all of the things that they are meant to do but, every so often, it just feels too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could yell out "FREEZE!" and just take a breath, get my bearings and maybe even clean up the living room while I'm at it.
This day is special for Sayer, of course. He's nine for crying out loud...I mean, that's almost TEN! I remember when I was younger and how desperately I wanted to be older and how the years seem to eek by so slowly. When they were smaller, I would always ask them questions on the morning of their birthday, "Are you taller today?", "Can you run even faster now?" and so on. They would beam and say yes to them all. Overnight they always became faster, taller, wiser...
Lastnight, cuddled in bed with Sayer, I read him Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. It was magical. You could tell that he was excited and proud about getting older. The story is perfect. It's sweet and full of joy, imagination and optimism. It echoed so much of what I was feeling for Sayer as I read.
If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you...you are YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!
So we'll go to the top of the toppest blue space,
The Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!
Come on! Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!
Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I!
ME!
I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.
Three cheers! I AM I!"
He is he, that is for sure, and he is wonderful. He is deep, soulful, smart and sensitive. He sees things. He asks hard questions and comes up with really insightful theories. I'm so grateful for him. He is my first and he is the one who first changed me into a MOM. He is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.
Today you are you! That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a great thing to be!
If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"
Happy birthday to you, my sweet Sayer. I am so very glad that you are YOU and that you are HERE.
It's been a while since I wrote something for Love Thursday but today is special. Today is Sayer's 9th birthday. How did 9 years go by so fast? How is my very first baby standing so tall and grown up? When our baby, Einin, was just a newborn someone said to me, "the days and nights are eternal but the months will fly by". It's so heartbreakingly true. Don't get me wrong, I want them to grow and change and do all of the things that they are meant to do but, every so often, it just feels too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could yell out "FREEZE!" and just take a breath, get my bearings and maybe even clean up the living room while I'm at it.
This day is special for Sayer, of course. He's nine for crying out loud...I mean, that's almost TEN! I remember when I was younger and how desperately I wanted to be older and how the years seem to eek by so slowly. When they were smaller, I would always ask them questions on the morning of their birthday, "Are you taller today?", "Can you run even faster now?" and so on. They would beam and say yes to them all. Overnight they always became faster, taller, wiser...
Lastnight, cuddled in bed with Sayer, I read him Dr. Seuss' Happy Birthday to You. It was magical. You could tell that he was excited and proud about getting older. The story is perfect. It's sweet and full of joy, imagination and optimism. It echoed so much of what I was feeling for Sayer as I read.
If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you...you are YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!
So we'll go to the top of the toppest blue space,
The Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!
Come on! Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!
Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I!
ME!
I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.
Three cheers! I AM I!"
He is he, that is for sure, and he is wonderful. He is deep, soulful, smart and sensitive. He sees things. He asks hard questions and comes up with really insightful theories. I'm so grateful for him. He is my first and he is the one who first changed me into a MOM. He is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me.
Today you are you! That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a great thing to be!
If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"
Happy birthday to you, my sweet Sayer. I am so very glad that you are YOU and that you are HERE.
Rachel says:
Happy Birthday Sweet Say! I can't believe he is almost 10, the last time I saw him I thought he had grown up over night. I remember the first time I ever met Sayer, he showed me this book about the human body that had all of these organ toys with it. He could tell me what each one was and what it did, I knew which one was the kidney and which one was the heart (good thing I don't want to be a doctor) I am pretty sure he was six. He AMAZED me, and still does. I hope he had the most wonderful birthday, give him a hug for me.
(04.19.12 @ 10:23 PM)
Nana says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a very special and a wonderful and incredibly handsome young man. I love you very much.Love from Nana
(04.20.12 @ 08:32 PM)
I try and photograph my kids every month or so...lately it seems more like every couple of months. I try and get a good mix of studio shots and casual, everyday type images. I would love to say that my kids participate and that, being a pro, I get amazing shots all the time. I won't lie to you though. Every other professional photographer out there will back me up too. It's really, really hard to photograph your own kids!
They're over my games, noises, props, etc. When I bring them up to the studio they just go crazy immediately. Sometimes, though, the shot that I don't love that day becomes the shot that I love later. That's the case with this crazy mess of a picture. The thing is, this is so very "them". It's mismatched, rowdy and fun. They're wearing their crazy socks and Sayer is wearing my studio t-shirt. It may have driven me crazy the day that I shot it but, in ten years, it's going to make me melt.
A week or so ago, we went to my uncle's 70th birthday party. They had a slideshow running throughout the party with photos from his life. It was a mix of moments. I was struck by how much I loved seeing the imperfect, casual, silly and even awkward shots. I kept thinking, what shots would be in our slideshow when we're 70? I'm guessing it would be more shots like this.
Jennifer says:
My sister got the cutest picture of Gavin the other day wearing that same studio shirt.
(04.29.11 @ 09:43 AM)
Rachel says:
Oh my gosh, it is so them! I love this shot
(04.29.11 @ 09:56 AM)
7 years ago my oldest son, Sayer, was born. My business was born shortly after he was. It was very humble beginnings and it makes me smile when I think about it now. The only pieces of equipment that I owned were my medium format film camera and the 35 mm film camera that I got when I graduated from high school. I didn't own any lights and it had been about 10 years since I took a class in lighting. To be honest, I was ill prepared. I took one marketing class in college and still have to carry my 1's when doing simple math. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I did have heart, determination and a magnificent little baby boy to photograph. And so it began, slowly and surely in my living room. I scheduled sessions while Sayer napped (crossing my fingers that he would go down on time and stay down). I rented lights from a local equipment place until I could afford my own set. Every time I had a session I had to clear out all of Sayer's toys and make our house look clean and perfect. It was stressful but it was also really exciting. I think my excitement was contagious and I started to get busy.By the time Finnian was born I had my first studio and my business was doubling each year. I still remember shooting a session two weeks after Finn was born with him strapped to me asleep in a sling. I started to get better at the business side too. Then in a blur it was a bigger studio, employees, better equipment, numbers to analyze and financial goals.
Fast forward to now...
I have begin to realize that the bigger my business gets the less I like it. It's not the work itself that is an issue. The problems arise when I get detached from the details (and it's all about the details by the way). Things fall through the cracks and the relationships suffer. What I love most about my work is the relationships that I have with the people that I photograph. That's where the magic is. So where does that leave me?
I have decided to go back to the basics and run my show on my own. I am not going to have an assistant in between me and my clients. I'll find some help here and there but nothing that jeopardizes the relationships. I will have to shoot less but the people that I photograph and I will enjoy it more. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous but I'm also excited (again). This is definitely turning out to be the year of new beginnings and change. I started to write "wish me luck!" but, no, I don't need that. I have everything that I really need to make this work. All I need is my honest, true, present self and people who will let me photograph them. It's a new day. I feel better already and it's only just begun.
Donna Harrison says:
Thank you so much for sharing Farrah! I needed to read this!
(02.03.11 @ 08:57 AM)
Rhianna says:
what a great post Farrah, so open and honest, it is so refreshing. It once again makes me wish that you lived a little closer so you could take our photos...perhaps you should do some wide stretched traveling :)
(02.03.11 @ 09:25 AM)
Sarah Craig says:
love this post farrah. as someone just starting out, i love hearing about your journey and how things continue to change and be exciting all these years in.
(02.03.11 @ 10:14 AM)
Cheryl Noland says:
When you have your own business you know that employees are both a blessing and a curse. Congratulations on figuring out what works best for you and for going for it!
(02.03.11 @ 10:19 AM)
Cheryl Noland says:
When you have your own business you know that employees are both a blessing and a curse. Congratulations on figuring out what works best for you and for going for it!
(02.03.11 @ 10:20 AM)
Darcy Pace says:
I'm so proud of you, Farrah. Thank you for sharing. People suggest (often) that I should hire an assistant, but I've been resisting for a long time because it doesn't feel right to me and seems like my business would turn into something that I don't want. Your experiences and honesty help the rest of us.
"To thine own self be true." -William Shakespeare
... and, happy birthday to your son. :)
(02.03.11 @ 11:18 AM)
frida says:
I love this! It gives me hope to one day owning my own studio... I'm at the ill prepared. Beautifully written and truly refreshing!
(02.03.11 @ 11:38 AM)
Claudia Z. Eubanks says:
Thank you for this post. I really needed to hear that everyone's definition of "success" looks different and feels different. Do you measure it by the bottom line, by how much satisfaction it adds to our lives, or somewhere in between?? Only you can answer that for you. I was laid off from a high paying litigation job. I now work a day job and run my photography business in my "free time". I have significantly less income, but infinitely more happiness and I am truly enjoying what I do. In my book, at this stage of my business, I am a success. =)
(02.03.11 @ 03:05 PM)
Claudia Z. Eubanks says:
Oh, and BTW, gorgeous picture. Very inspirational.
(02.03.11 @ 03:07 PM)
colleen amling says:
You're amazing. I love what I just read! Wishing you the best as you get back to the basics of your art.
(02.03.11 @ 03:36 PM)
Lacy says:
I understand exactly what you mean. It's like you strive for your business to get bigger but then you realize that you're losing a part of why you got into it in the first place. I find that I often barely feel like I'm practicing my art anymore - just kinda counting the days. It's good to know that I"m not alone in this one...and in the desire to never become too big to keep my relationships with customers strong.
(02.13.11 @ 09:03 AM)
adeline dickman says:
Farrah,
You are one of my heros! I sneak back to your blog often and yes! I totally had my website built to look like one of yours! I struggle with all you have described! I too have a child and love going back to your blog to see how yours are growing. One day I would love to meet you in person! You are all over PPAs website! Keep going! Your awesome!
Adeline
(02.15.11 @ 07:19 PM)
Farrah Braniff says:
Thank you to everyone for commenting! You all inspire me! Claudia says it well, everyone's definition of success is different so focus on your own.
(02.20.11 @ 04:01 PM)
Dear Santa,
Like Sayer, I would also like to thank you for the all of the gifts that you have given me over my entire life. I specifically remember the pink splatter paint capris from Esprit back in 1983. Those were the bomb. I am also very grateful for all the cameras, lenses and other photo related gadgets that you have so generously bestowed on me over the years. My current love of photography has long been encouraged by your generous gifts.
Thank you for the contagious energy of Christmas that adds a little bit of luster and sparkle to our lives every December. Thank you for making me take time out of my hectic day to stop and think about the ones I love. I really appreciate that you make me do silly things on your behalf like disguise my hand writing on the gift tags of my children's presents. It instantly takes me back to the Christmases of my childhood and the (not so disguised) cursive handwriting of my Father. Come to think of it, he still does that and has now started doing it for my children. That warms my heart and soul in a way that you cannot believe.
Thank you for the twinkling lights. There's just something about a string of Christmas lights that can transform anything into something far more magical. I speak from experience, you should have seen what wonders they did for my college apartments!
Thank you for bringing magic to my children. We enjoy every minute of sprinkling reindeer food on the lawn, setting out the milk and cookies and the late night present delivery. We don't even begrudge you the early wake up time. The sheer joy and excitement of the Christmas routine is worth every paper cut, yawn and last minute errand.
Above all, thank you for inspiring Sayer to write a note like this. It is like a little window into his heart that almost brings me to tears and, yes, I did sign it on your behalf in (not so disguised) cursive handwriting. Watching him run downstairs to check and see if you signed it was the highlight of my entire Christmas season.
Farrah
Back in art school I always photographed things and never people. Now, it's hard to imagine that. People are amazing to photograph. One of the things that I love about photographing people is how faces change, quickly and almost imperceptibly. The tiny changes make huge differences. A lean might soften a face and a lip curls to creates a bit of sass. Something changes and the eye sparkles just a bit more than it did a split second ago.
Meet sweet little Olivia, leaned in and checking me out
and with her little chin up, almost ready to smile
and, there it is...sweet, sweet smiles!
and then, after a little hat change and a few tears, we have this amazing vulnerable face.
Thank you Miss Olivia for sharing your subtle and beautiful expressions with me.
Lea Ciceraro says:
OMG those hats are adorable, on an even more adorable baby! She looks so soft and beautiful in these photos. Nice work! And where did she get those hats? Especially love the owl one!! :)
(11.12.10 @ 07:14 AM)
Lea Ciceraro says:
P.S. My one-year old son is completely enamored with her and these photographs. He's just in a trance staring and smiling at her! :)
(11.12.10 @ 07:16 AM)