The show will also feature 250 artist designed 12x12 boxes (see mine below). Each box is $100 and the money raised goes to benefit Freedom Place (recovery center for underage female victims of sex trafficking). The box show will be at both buildings. My 4-box piece will be displayed at Spring Street Studios.

How can I be a commercial photographer running a studio and making forays into the fine art world while writing a book and being an educator who also sews quilts, has an Etsy shop and teaches photographers about business? Truth be told, it's tough. My husband would say, "no, it's not, you're doing it right now...just do it more". Of course, that's just way too simple and it doesn't really work like that anyway. What happens is that one aspect starts to compete with the other or my ego gets in the way and gets worried about what someone else may think of what I'm doing. I second guess how to prioritize all the pieces and just end up feeling like a mess. I start to feel like I'm doing a lot of things halfway and that none of it is that strong. Basically, I let doubt and fear creep in and kill it.

The thing is, I know the truth. The truth is that it doesn't matter what the haters or critics have to say about me because they aren't my audience. I know that the struggle for balance is part of the process. I also know that my best and most productive self does not live in one tidy box. My best self is free, complex, integrated, bold and multi-faceted. There will be those who will thrill and delight in the mix of things that I am doing and love it all (even more) for the variety. However, knowing the truth and living it are very different prospects.

Lately, it's a matter of fits and starts, good days and bad days. It's not a light switch that can just be flipped. Oh, how I wish that it was like that! It's a mental battle between what I know and what I am feeling. I'm a box myself in addict. Do they have a recovery group for people like me? I think it is a learned behavior that I need to unlearn. Stop allowing the question "what would X or Y person or group think about this piece or this project?". Ask only what do I love about what I'm doing and chase it down without so many questions. Day-by-day, by day, by day, by another day...one day at a time perhaps.

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(the image in this post was created while away at a workshop in Dallas with the lovely and talented Brooke Shaden. It has inspired so many new ideas and I'm working really hard to chase them down- without too many questions. Hope you like it! Wait, no, I'm not going to worry about whether or not you like it, not today anyway.)

1. I kept my exercise routine the same and workout between 3-5 times a week. I train at West U Fitness 3 days and do spin or something else 1-2 days a week.

2. I stopped drinking alcohol. I'll have a beer or a glass of wine if we go out to dinner on the weekend but no weekday drinks at all. That has been one of the best parts of the whole process. I feel so much better and I think a huge part of that is the absence of alcohol. It really wasn't that hard either! I also stopped drinking diet soda (except for an occasional one if I really want it). I only drank a few per week but now I basically drink none.

3. I stopped eating regular bread and have replaced it with Ezekiel bread and tortillas and I totally love them both. My kids, however, do not share my enthusiasm and refuse to eat it.

4. I am drinking way more water than before and that also feels so much better! I swear I can see it in my skin too.

5. I have gotten into a pretty good cooking and grocery shopping routine. I cannot say that I always enjoy it. I'm just not a chef at heart. So, I keep it simple and get it done. I do like knowing that we are eating better and that we aren't scrambling around trying to figure out what's for dinner (it's planned) and we're not eating take out. We do allow ourselves a cheat meal or two during the week.

6. I notice when we go out to eat, I can't eat as much as before. I also find myself trying to make as good a choice as I can when out and am happy to see that I don't feel like "cheating" and eating a bunch of awful stuff. Just today, I took my kids to The Chocolate Bar for a snack and I happily left empty handed. At this point, I'm way more motivated by the size of my behind than by the sweets in the case.

7. Steven (my husband) has been following along as well. He has not been exercising. He has also been a bit more loose with the plan (a whisky now and then during the week, some lunches out during the week...) but has seen pretty big changes in just 3 weeks! He has lost 10 pounds!! For him the biggest changes have been what he eats out at lunchtime on workdays, no beer and wine during the week, no dessert after dinner and no late night snacking. He's doing so well!

8. Finally, and perhaps best of all, my clothes are fitting so much better and I can SEE the changes on my body. I didn't have a lot of weight to lose so my changes are small but steady. While my numerical changes seem small to me, I feel and see dramatic changes. Overall, I lost 4.25 inches, one clothing size and a little over 3 pounds (2 of which was fat!). I'm anxious to remeasure in a few weeks and see the numbers again.

So, that's pretty much it! It's all going well and I'm proud of the work we're doing. I'm happy to share the recipes with you. Just leave me a message in the comments.

PS- I did take a "before" picture (that was super challenging) and will share that at some point alongside an "after" shot. I'm just not quite ready yet.

Today is a dark day. I'm not sure if those sorts of days happen to you but I imagine they do, at least to some of you. Today I feel tired, anxious and frustrated. Everywhere I look I see the long lists of things I need to do. I feel frantic. The house is messy and I have too much laundry. Today when I see awesome things happening to people, I feel left out. Normally, I would be joyous and love seeing people's happy news. This makes me feel worse because then I feel like I'm being selfish because people are truly suffering in the world and who am I (so insanely blessed) to be moping about feeling like this. It's embarrassing to be (at least momentarily) so ungrateful.

I am no longer seeing the forest but only a few trees. I know this day will pass, thankfully. Maybe I'm just tired and worn out? I was sick all last week and it's been exhausting. Maybe it's hormonal or maybe I just need a hot bath. Maybe I'm feeling vulnerable about the last rounds of proofs on my upcoming book?  Who knows...

As it happens with these sorts of things, the universe sent me a message. It was via my sister-in-law who posted a video on Facebook of Tom Waits (one of my idols) reading a poem by Bukowski, called The Laughing Heart. In case you are having a crappy day (or week, or month or year for that matter), I thought I'd share it with you. I love it. I'm inspired by it.

I'm thinking of people that I know who suffer with depression and I'm sending love out to them with this post. This is just a bad day for me and, while they may come now and again, they don't debilitate me long term. To my friends Samantha and David who left me too early because of depression. To Jenny who makes me laugh out loud at least a few times per week. She has been very vocal on her blog about her struggle with depression and it has been such an amazing inspiration for so many. Like this poem, Jenny inspires me. And to you, if you also need some love tonight.

your life is your life

don't let it be clubbed into dank submission

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can't beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Now, it's time to go curl up in bed, get some much needed rest, ignore my pile of unread emails and stop being so hard on myself. The gods are waiting to delight in me tomorrow and I need to be ready.